#i've been thinking recently that i kind of like the idea of my gender just being... unknown

[scarlet-bee]

Wait a minute, ambigue / ambiguine / ambigugender fucking rules

[yugsly]

Sorry if this is rude, but how do you identify? I looked around a bit and couldn't find anything, my apologies

Not rude! Honestly, I don't know these days! Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. Maybe this is too much, but also maybe saying something instead of keeping it inside will be helpful... I'll put my gender thoughts under the cut... maybe someone can relate and offer some thoughts lol:

Recently, I came to the conclusion that I'm really not attracted to men at all, and maybe, I never have been. Looking back, I can kind of clearly see that any crush on a guy I thought I had was more like "wow, this person is COOL as HELL. I hope we can be really good friends." And then I noticed, that any crush I had on a girl felt... different. The feeling was totally different, and it still is. Have you noticed how most of the men I draw are quite feminine? I also have no idea what's going on with my gender. I know I'm me, a Yugo, I also can't comfortably say what exactly I am. Though by technicality, I am nonbinary, the word doesn't feel QUITE right to use for me. Maybe genderqueer is better. I've never identified as a man, but I have identified as transmasc and taken T. I really do like the results I've gotten from that. But at the same time, I don't really feel close to "manhood" at all, but something about having a mustache sometimes, like I tend to do, feels right to me still. I also like to wear lipstick and stuff. I don't know. I'm also not a "woman" I don't think, but I identify with more... I don't know, masculine expressions of womanhood if that makes sense? I am very androgynous in expression, in short. So basically I don't know what the hell is going on. All I know is I love women LOL. Can anyone relate to any of this? Any ideas?? I will not be offended by any assumptions you might have lol. Maybe I should just make a comic about this.

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Hihi! I went on anon cause my main blog is strictly sfw, but I promise I'm an adult(29). Anyways, I had this idea of Ascended Astarion teasing Tav/Reader in front of a mirror. He can't see himself, but loves the way Tav/Reader shudders under his touch and them getting more and more embarrassed because all they can see is themselves getting riled up by seemingly nothing, but when they look down, ofc they see his hands working magic across their body.

Lol ty for the clarification and ask! I've been needing some nsfw practice!

Ascended Astarion nsfw under the cut, 18 + warnings. Like this is not implied smut. It is smut, graphic. Possessive, obsessive, manipulative, bad vampire man who loves you. As much as he's capable of. Morally gray human Tav from the start to here. It's only downhill from here baby, m/f angle. But if that doesnt fufill the dream let me know and I can make a gender neutral/ gender nonspecfic no prob! And probably less intense too because this is angsty~~~

Like I went ham, this is a whole ass fic now💀

You frowned at yourself in the bedroom mirror, adjusting your hair for the umpteenth time. It still didn't look right, despite what felt like hours of practice that you'd put into the intricate style.

You sighed as let one of your braids fall down, dissatisfied with what you saw. You didn't exactly look the part of an all-powerful vampire's consort, or at least not with the company you've recently been keeping. But it turned out a significant part of taking over Baldur's Gate was trenched in politics, meetings, balls, social events created for the sole purpose of mind games.

It was exhausting, or at least it was for you. But Astarion seemed to take to it like a duck to water. This life suited him, one of power games and subterfuge, and more often than not, murder. Not that you minded. You were just happy that he was having fun. That he was finally free after all of those years of torment. Even if he was using that freedom for… less than savory ends.

But despite his goals, you had sworn to him that you would never stray. And you intended on making good on that promise.

You just wished that he didn't insist on you being there for all of his "business". You hadn't realized how literal he had been about the whole sitting in his lap plan. It had taken a half-hour conversation to even convince him that no, you would not be doing so in the nude. He still hadn't given up on convincing you off that plan, but you highly doubted that it would help with your current level of heightened insecurity.

Maybe you were worrying for no reason. It wasn't Astarion who made you feel out of place. Well… it was, but not because of anything he did. Just… who he had become. He was so different now, so much colder to everything and everyone but you. More calculating, less forgiving, and just perfect for working with the most dangerous individuals in the mortal plane.

You seemed to be the only living thing he could relax around anymore, the only person who could soften him. It was strange really. You used to remember his softer side, before the ritual. The way his heart would hurt for children and animals alike, despite his failed attempts to hide it. His soft spot for Karlach, those who were brave and brazen, always willing to do the right thing despite the risks. The kind smile he used to have, reserved for beautiful things like the sunrise, the sunset.

Gone, all of it. It was a fact that you didn't like to think about. What you both gave up, things could have been; there was no point to it anyway. It was over. You gave Astarion the choice, this is what came of that. So here you were, obsessing over your appearance in preparation for a meeting with a high-ranking devil.

How things had changed.

You had no idea if you would ever find a way to match up with the company he kept around these days. Maybe it was your own fault for surrounding yourself with otherworldly creatures, but it was hard not to feel inadequate.

It didn't help that whenever you even slightly alluded to that insecurity, Astarion was more than ready to remind you of your… "options".

"You can join us whenever you'd like my treasure," Astarion would say with a creeping grin, "Just one bite, and we can be sure you'll be mine forever. Would that be so bad?"

It was a tempting offer, one that you kept insisting on refusing. You loved Astarion more than anything. But… you wanted that love to stay your choice. An obligation you maintained of your own free will. It's not that you didn't trust him… but to be a spawn had too many implications for you to handle.

"What has you pouting sweet thing?"

You startled when hands suddenly settled on your hip, gripping through the thin fabric of your nightdress. You looked back, relaxing the slightest bit to see Astarion smiling down at you, amused at the fact he'd managed to sneak up on you through the mirror.

"You said you weren't going to do that anymore," You whined as you leaned back into him, your eyes turning back to the mirror. You could see the fabric of your slip indented under his hands, ghost-like without his actual image reflecting back.

"I lied," Astarion said simply, leaning down to breathe you in from the crook of your neck, "Now what are you thinking about pet? I can tell something's on your mind."

You bit your lip, debating for a moment if you should tell him or not. But it's not like he would let it drop, and he was way too good at being able to tell when you were lying. Might as well come clean.

You sighed, "I don't…I don't know if I'm cut out for this."

You expected him to huff at you, maybe even laugh. But instead, the grip he had on you tightened, hard enough to make you gasp. You could feel his fangs scraping against your delicate skin, scratching hard enough to cause pinpricks of blood to bead out.

"And why would you ever think a thing like that?" Astarion asked, his voice harsh and low, "Where else would you be if not by my side hm? Please, enlighten me."

You gulped, your heart rate starting to pick up. You hadn't meant it like that, "That's not what I meant-"

"Then what else could it have meant?" Astarion shot back, his hands digging into you, surely ready to leave finger-shaped bruises. Suddenly he was using that same grip to drag you backward to the bed, effortlessly settling you between his spread legs.

All while managing to still be right in sight of the mirror. You could feel your cheeks redden as his hands started to wander, unceremoniously tugging down the straps of your nightdress to reveal your chest. That was another thing about life after the ritual that had been a surprise, just how different Astarion's sex drive was. It's not like he was a prude before, far from it, but now he was insatiable. Always ready and willing to touch you whenever the urge struck him. Often enough for you to eventually come to the thrilling, if not slightly disturbed realization, that… he was training you. Training your body to always want his touch.

And tonight was no different. You could already feel yourself getting wet, and he had barely done anything yet. But then suddenly he was pinching your nipple harshly, hissing in your ear, "I expect an answer when I ask you a question darling."

You bit back a moan, trying to remember what you were even arguing about as he started to play with your breasts, "I-I didn't mean it like that. I just… I don't want to embarrass you."

It was humiliating to admit but it was true. Not many people of Astarion's caliber insisted on a singular lover. There were so many people after him now, people with more power, more beauty, and grace. You didn't match up. You couldn't.

"Nonsense," Astarion dismissed, his hands wandering down to tear off more of your clothing, "Look at you. You were made for this life. Made for me. You're gorgeous."

The compliments mixed with the harsh feeling of his hands ripping your nightdress in two was quite the experience. You could feel his own hardness pressing into your backside, twitching as he threw your ruined clothing to the side.

Then he was gripping your chin, forcing your head back up to stare into the mirror in front of you, "I said look."

You obeyed, eyes widening at what you saw. It was so strange to see yourself like this, fully exposed with your legs spread apart, flushed and panting. It nearly gave the illusion that your very image was what was causing the wetness between your legs, instead of the invisible man toying with you.

You swallowed, your throat dry as Astarion's hands wandered lower, a feather-light touch tracing up and down your slit, "You are everything. The sole reason that I'm the man I am today. There is nowhere else you should be than right here."

"But-" You gasped, your words interrupted by a sharp slap to your inner thigh. You could see your skin start to redden in the mirror, a perfect imprint left in it's wake.

"Darling, are you questioning my judgment? What on earth made you think that was a good idea?"

You frantically shook your head, moaning when his fingers delved deeper, playing with your slick folds, "I-I'm not. I didn't- I'm sorry."

You whined as he roughly pinched your clit, his other hand moving upward to do the same to your heaving chest.

He was starting to grind his hardness against you, a tease of more to come as he murmured in your ear, "There's my good girl. Was that so hard?"

You shook your head, gasping as he finally dipped his long fingers into your cunt. You were already so sensitive, humiliatingly close in a matter of minutes.

"So gorgeous," Astarion sighed, staring straight ahead to the sole image of you, whimpering as he finger-fucked your pussy, "So needy. Can you see how wet you are pet?"

You could, you were leaking around his fingers, that needy, intense feeling getting more and more intense by the moment. It was so embarrassing seeing yourself like this, enough so that you snapped your eyes shut.

A bad idea. Astarion tutted at you, landing another sudden and hard slap to your thigh, "None of that. I told you to look. Or else."

You snapped your eyes back open, watching yourself whimper and gasp as you were played with, the harsh movement of his hand jostling your breasts. You weren't going to last much longer, not with the image of you being taken apart, the feeling of him inside you, the mean edge to your love's words.

"You're such a silly little thing, aren't you?" Astarion growled, fucking you harder and faster. You were so close, but you weren't stupid enough to come without permission. Not after what he did the last time, "Doubting me. Do you really think I don't know what's best for you? What's best for us?"

"No," You whimpered, your hips arching backward to rub harder into his erection, "You're right, I-I'm yours. C-Can I come now? Please?"

"Beg me and maybe I'll think about it," Astarion meanly laughed, relishing in the gush of slick his harshness coaxed from between your legs, "Beg and apologize. Apologize for doubting us. For doubting me."

You could barely get the words out through your own gasps, tears prickling in the corner of your eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean it!"

"Good girl," Astarion huskily laughed, using a clever thumb to rub over your swollen clit, "Now tell me you love me."

"I love you," You said easily, meaning every word, "I love you more than anything.

"Tell me you'll never leave me. Ever."

There was something else behind that promise. An obvious implication that your fucked-out brain was too distracted to see.

"Never," You promised, reaching back for you him. You curled your fingers into his hair. pulling his head down to press his mouth against your throat. An open invitation, "I'll always be with you."

Astarion groaned against your skin, his fangs so close to piercing, "Precious pet, how could I ever want anything else? Come darling, you've earned it."

Then he was biting you, the brief flash of pain the perfect trigger for you to fall over the edge. You came with an embarrassingly high-pitched whine, slumping back into Astarion as he drank from your throat.

You looked as much of a mess as you felt, the stickiness between your thighs glistening in the light. You watched yourself, whimpering as Astarion slipped his fingers out. Just to tap them against your lips, forcing them into your mouth to suck on.

You moaned around them, light-headed as Astarion popped off of your throat. You sighed as he licked at the wound, enjoying the brief moment of rest. You weren't naive enough to think that you were done yet. Not when Astarion was still hard, his cock pulsing against you.

"See?" Astarion huskily laughed, licking the blood off of his lips while he played with your tongue, "You're perfect. Perfect and mine."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making my sister lie about her gender for BOTH our financial gain?

Tw for mentions of transphobia, abuse, and suicide

I (26F she/her) and my sister (21X she/they) are both transgender. We're extremely low contact with our father, and moved out together at the first opportunity. Our parents are conservatives and emotionally abused us basically the entirety of our childhood, and after my mother died and after covid it only got worse (think alt-right, flat earther, qanon)

Basically, as much as I would love to go completely no-contact with our father I'm sticking it out in the lowest contact relationship I can manage. My father is severely transphobic, but we live on a "don't ask don't tell" kind of rule where even though we are both obviously queer and transgender (on HRT nonetheless) he just keeps pretending that nothing has changed.

Recently out of nowhere my sister has gotten extremely hellbent on the idea of telling him off in one last "fuck you" before cutting him off. I have been very vocally against this, even if I also would love to because:

1) if we blow this entire relationship up we'll be taken off the will and removed from life insurance, which equals over a fat MILLION as well as a full paid off property. You can imagine as two broke 20 y/os in this economy this is a literal dream. This is our one shot at getting a house and being financially stable.

2) she does not have to interact with him. I'm the one who has to do all the talking over text when he reaches out every few months. She does not see the texts where he misgenders/deadnames her. She herself hasn't had to interact with him beyond a short birthday wish for the past 5 years, so I don't think she has the right to blow this for the both of us just to get the final word

3) not to be crass but he might do it soon, and there's nobody left in his life who's going to talk him down off that ledge. Chances of success are pretty high. Family history of depression, no friends, he's dead to us already, he also made me suicidal from abuse so I have no empathy for him etc etc. Payout is less, but still 5% is life changing for us. Point is I'm not asking my sister to lie until she's 60 here.

Now I think the reason my sister is so focused on getting the final word *might* be related to that last point, wanting to get it in before he kicks the bucket. But I don't think it's a worthy tradeoff for everything else. I've told her that if she does something stupid and blows this for us, she'll have to find another roommate (I would not be kicking her out, I would move out, she just doesn't like the idea of living with anyone else but me).

So, AITA for making my sister lie about her gender to our father, just for a little while longer?

[weebsinstash]

could we get some valentino x male reader pls?

Bruh I've been actually on Valentino x male/intersex male Reader so hard lately (and I don't mention intersex for like fetish reasons but. I don't know what having a dick feels like and sometimes I'm like "well what if boy but. Vagine" and, shut up its my gender expression power fantasy, maybe I wanna have muscles and broad shoulders, leave me alone 💀)

Right off the top of my head, I've had ideas recently for:

-boy band lead vocalist! male Reader! Just. Ok. Imagine Reader and Angel having kind of a beef with each other and at some point it becomes a sort of "oh yeah, well I can XYZ better than you" kind of competition amd Angel says some shit like "you wouldn't know what it takes to come out here and strut for a bunch of perverts who look at you like you're a piece of meat" and you just hit him with some shit like "bitch I LITERALLY sucked FIVE DICKS so I could headline for the Superbowl, you fucking LOSER, you dont know ACTUAL music, i was AN ARTIST" and you start belting out something sexy with a choreographed dance that is clearly professional level skill

-male Reader with a little sister and you protect her from Valentino by offering to take her place. You've never sucked a single dick in your life and hell you might not even be gay but Valentino has your baby sister's life in his hands and, you've got to protect HER if not yourself

- ughhhhhh I'm probably gonna make this it's own post too but I've been ON my "unwilling red string soulmate" personal indulgence lately and. Just. Valentino who sees his red string appear and OBVIOUSLY he's gotta RUN to find his boo and he finds you and immediately thinks you're the most precious adorable sexy little thing, BUT. You just. Look straight at him and how HUGE he is and reply "i-im not... actually into men 😳" which is a LIE of course and, here's Valentino thinking, AW, his poor little baby gay! You've never had a boyfriend or gone to any clubs? TRAGIC! But also perfect because he is just TICKLED watching you get flustered beyond belief! So cute!

-I feel like. He would try and give you boners on purpose and think it's the cutest most erotic thing. He's got you sitting next to him and you're filled with liquor and he starts REALLY laying on the flirting, maybe even... places his palm on your upper thigh and BOOM. Hard as a rock and you can't even hide it because he makes you wear tight pants all the time. He's just over there, "what's going on amorcito? :3c you feeling a little hot under the collar?" as if he didn't just spend like 15 minutes talking about how he'd love to get you on your back and touch EVERY INCH of you, how he'd love to TASTE you--

-this is gender neutral but, convinced he eventually forces you to do some of those sexy pin-ups with him and one day you're walking around Vee Tower and he just has that shit HANGING UP. Poster You is just braced against his chest looking at the camera all demure and vulnerable while he's like. Got his guns out looking all tough like "mess with my pookie and you're through" and of course he makes you do. Sexy ones. Matching lingerie?

-I think of forced feminization with a male Reader sometimes actually. Like you wear boxy unflattering shit on purpose and one day Vals just like "you've got a small waist for a guy" and is checking you over. It starts off small. He starts wanting to style you. Then he wants you to update your skincare routine. Which is all fine right? But then he starts pushing his personal tastes. You've got such nice muscular thighs... which is why you would look so nice in some fishnets. He'd love to see your cute little butt in a thong while you cover your dick with your hands in MAJOR EMBARRASSMENT. You've got such pretty eyes; can Daddy put some mascara on you?

Valentino straight up punishing you by dressing you in full lingerie, your ass is in garters, heels, full glam makeup, and forcing you to pose for some cell phone pics

-still over here just mentally 🤌🤌🤌 at the idea of Valentino taking male Reader out with him and Angel and you've got matching outfits. You and Angel are in little skimpy, color matching fits while he's in a suit and gold chain, something that makes him feel powerful while he shows off his favorite toys

-I rllllly like the idea of like, a male Reader who is a honeypot assassin. You can be extremely charismatic and charming and seductive but it's all a front; you're an S tier actor and you take your targets down when they least expect it. The Vees are all at the club and some upstart wannabe new Overlord decides to attack and you just JOHN WICK THAT SHIT. Picture the Vees just sitting there, everything is peaceful, suddenly, in a flash, you move your serving tray in front of Valentino just in time to block a bullet. All three Vees are like wtf? How did you even know? What's going on? You proceed to totally wreck shit improvising weapons as the attacker and his goons charge forth and you even wind up grabbing a whip from a nearby dancer and using it as a WEAPON WEAPON and that shit looks like it HURTS. You're out here "Michelle Pfeiffer taking out 5 mannequin heads in one take"ing that shit. You're cutting people IN HALF (because having hell powers is cool leave me alone)

-i like the idea of male Reader who was a professional male model and a bit of a tailor himself, like a real kind of posh art student kind of type. You're with Valentino and Velvette notices how impeccably you're dressed and asks you where you bought it, you just, not so humbly brush yourself off. "Oh no, I made this myself. Nothing down here really fit my tastes" and suddenly you're like, custom designing wardrobes for ALL the Vees

Honestly just "Reader in XYZ Profession is exploited by Val/the Vees for their skills" is an idea I've had a lot. You have a hobby in baking so they always want food from you. You used to cook drugs so they make you work for them. You're a polyglot so youre taken along on business meetings to make sure none of the Vees business partners are planning shit in front of them. Like. Imagine just being the bitch who sits in the corner of the meeting room and shoots project/product ideas at them and it's like ACTUALLY successful and they're totally receptive and like you. You're just "Hey Valentino, what if you and Velvette did a collab on a waterproof mascara where you shot a porno in one continuous take so you can show the actor putting on the mascara, setting it down on the vanity, and then they start choking on a dick and their mascara doesn't run" like. They love you. Vox is just like "so, any new ideas today" and you're just using your VoxTek Premium Exclusive Black Card to cut coke into lines, "*snooooooort* uhhhhh.... I got some ideas for some stupid little mobile games you can put tons of micro transactions in? Like just before i died there was this one game that was getting really popular but it had a lot missing, we could-" and they could all just kiss you

-on God, Fs in the chat for virgin male Readers who have Valentino finally pop that cherry. I feel like he'd find out you've never had so much as fingers in your ass and within that WEEK you're being dosed with love potion and taking him balls deep

-Val's the kinda yandere where he tells you you're safe being closeted with him, he'll keep your secret, he'll let you stay on the downlow, but one day he so much as ASSUMES disrespect from you and he's immediately letting everyone know exactly who you belong you. You're arguing with him and you go completely silent and cross your arms or some shit and he just takes a hit from his cigarette, "you know you looked a lot more handsome when you were screaming on my cock the other night" and outs you just like that, either as gay or as fucking him or both. Imagine Angel not knowing you slept with Val and he immediately gives you this hurt expression BECAUSE HE TOTALLY DOESNT HAVE A THING FOR YOU TOO

-Valentino would absolutely make male Reader and Angel fuck while he watches and or films it, and also tbh I feeeeeeeel like. Angel would be ok with trans or intersex men tbh? Idk. It's not clear exactly what his taste in men is? He doesn't mind when men are shorter than him, so, like, is he a switch? He gives huge switch energy and let's face it, that's one TALL twink. I mean look at him holding Charlie! He's strong for his size too! Pole dancing takes a lot of upper body strength!

Oh no... not me suddenly thinking about a scarier yandere angel dust who is a lot stronger than you thought... Yandere Angel Dust who corners you and takes you completely by surprise and you get a GUTTING display of just how strong his arms actually are. You're thinking "oh he's just some lanky bottom twink, he couldnt overpower me, in fact I'm scared i might hurt him, he's delicate" but like HONEY HE CAN SUPPORT HIS ENTIRE BODY WEIGHT BY JUST HIS ARMS OR THIGHS. He's a FIT twink.

-ive said it before but uh once Angel Has It Bad Enough, like Bad Bad Bad, he's over here, "oh Daddy, I'm just soOoOo scared uxu ya know my buddy Reader, that one ya think is cute? Well, he was drinkin' earlier and he mentioned wanting to move FAR away and he wouldn't tell me WHERE 🥺 I'm just so worried he won't be able to take care of himself, you know, what, with all that trauma about his FATHER and-- oh he didn't tell you? He's really vulnerable to BIG. SCARY MEN and im wooooorrrrrriiiied, what if he gets hurt, talk to him Daddy PleeeeEEeEease? 🥺" like. He might still hate Val's fucking guts but he's high on coke and watching Valentino put some real inches in you and he's having the most explosive guilt-filled nut of his entire afterlife

-im sorry I'm just picturing Reader being like "I'm not fucking gay, fuck off, leave me alone" and Velvette just not even looking up from her phone, "I saw you using that $200 hand cream. You're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents"

"I'm not fucking gay" "amorcito I've seen the pants you like to wear. No straight men wears those"

"I told you guys I'm not into men!!" "That's what I thought too until I met Al- VAL! Until I met VAL! [OuO']"

Then one night you're off work and none of the Vees or even Angel know where you're at and they wind up in a club and, there you are, getting absolutely fucking wasted, on top of one of the counters, you know those clubs that have random pokes everywhere, and you're dancing, you're getting real zesty with it, you're dropping your ass, and here's Valentino jumping to his feet pointing a finger, "so you DO know how to pole dance!!!" and your fate is sealed from there on in 💀💀💀

[fuxuannie]

HIII I FOLLOWED U RECENTLY AND IM LITERALLY JUST BLOWN AWAY BY UR WORKS I LOVE THEMMN

okay listen listen listen. what are ur thoughts on enemies to lovers w dan heng.

OR OR OR WITH GEPARD (idk how thatll work but the idea is very appealing to me AHUEHDUE)

(also i saw it was ur birthday yesterday!! happy belated birthday 🥳🥳 stay healthy n safe, dont forget to hydrate and eat :D)

- idk can i be 😟 anon (my face 24/7 LMAO)

↳ pairing : (seperate) gepard landau & dan heng x gender neutral reader

↳ synopsis : request ♡

↳ authors note : dan hengs is more or less a joke bc i genuinely couldnt think of much for him im SORRYANSBDNS thank you smmm for the sweet messages they rlly warm my heart

☆☆ ONE BED TROPE ⁉️

When the peace between the Overworld and Underworld was established, you and Gepard both agreed that it didn't mean that suddenly you and him were buddy-buddy now. However, with Seele and Bronya becoming allies, it meant that you and Gepard were more often than not being assigned to work side by side.

And with that arrangment coming along, that's what brought you here. In an abandoned building, sitting on a bed with Gepard kneeling between your legs as he bandaged your bruises. "You know, if anyone sees this the angle looks really-"

"Shut up."

You smirk at his fluster, seeing the slight shade of pink that he tries to hide. In return, he not so nicely pulls on the bandages around you, tightening them in a way that was nearly suffocating. "Ow!-"

You won't deny that Gepard was an insanely pretty man, his soft skin and gentle features complimented his.. annoyingly kind soul for those who needed his assistance. He was loved by many, and you couldn't really blame people. Just cause you both were on opposite sides didn't mean you couldn't acknowledge his determination to protect others.

"Your injuries are fatal. We can move by morning, just rest for now."

You look around the room, mostly to ignore how he takes off his heavy armor to to rest properly. "You know it's.. there's only one relatively comfortable place to sleep in, right? Or in other words.. there's only one bed?"

Gepard nods with a sigh, your eyes finally turning back to him as he tries to lay on the floor and use his arm as a pillow. "Yeah. And you're hurt, so you can have it."

He ignores your pitiful stare, closing his eyes until he hears you clear your throat and opening one of them slightly. "It's.. cold. And there's.. enough room."

"Oh? And won't this look like a suggestive-"

"Shut up!"

You ignore his laughter as he stands up, feeling him ruffle your hair as you look up at him. "Asshole. Just.. sleep, will you?"

"Gladly. If it means I won't have to look at your face anymore."

"You know I'm pretty." "Maybe, but you're infuriating."

"Wait, what?"

☆☆ BITTER EXES WHO HUNTS THE OTHER DOWN

Maybe that description was a little detailed, but wouldn't it be funny if you were DAN HENG's ex and you were so pissed at him you joined the Stellaron Hunters. Blade himself started hating him a little more after hearing you rant about him for the 10th time in a day. (He's more pissed that he made you that way and now has to deal with it.)

So when you caught up to him in Luofu, even if you swore to Blade you wouldn't do anything until his business with Dan Heng was over, you just couldn't resist just having a little bite. Just for your own enjoyment.

"How have you been?" "I've been better, especially since you're holding a knife to my throat and pinning me against a wall."

You scoff at his remark while pushing the blade closer towards his neck, not quite enough to cut but grazing his skin to a point he can feel the cold metal. "Shut up."

"Good to know you're still angry at me."

"Why wouldn't I be? You left me with nothing but a poorly written note that had nothing but 'Goodbye.' on it."

That got a little reaction out of him which was him clearing his throat. "Seems like you haven't forgotten either."

"No it's more.. did you not see the other one I left you?" "There was another??"

You and him exchange awkward glances, you eventually pull the knife away from his neck and take a few steps back.

"If it matters at all, you're still really pretty."

"Seriously, now of all times I-"

You laugh a little, causing the familiar feeling of Dan Heng's heart skipping a beat as he looks off to the side. "..Whatever. Just because we had this.. whatever this was, it doesn't mean you're off the hook. You're still gonna be a dead man, I promise you that much."

Dan Heng watched you leave the shadows, until you were out of sight was when he laughed a little. "It's a little odd I found that stupidly attractive but.." He shrugs to himself, not like anyone will know.

[drdemonprince]

thanks for saying what you have about covert incest. I have this memory of my dad that I won't even type out cuz it's just horrible and I haven't been able to determine if it actually happened or if it's a memory of a dream I had but part of me thinks the former cuz I don't think I could've imagined something so horrible. and he died recently and I was determined to find some kind of physical evidence that it really happened but when my mom was moving she got rid of most of his stuff before I got there and I've been so pissed about it but not able to tell her or anyone why and it just reinforces my upset toward her cuz if it really happened then she didn't protect me and goes out of her way to protect him instead but in reading your posts I'm starting to think that whether it actually happened or not doesn't matter, the feelings are there and they're real and I ought to just treat it as though it really happened. anyway sorry to be vague, this has just been a huge weight on me and I feel like finding your blog on here has been such a blessing, especially cuz this has been weighing on me even more lately cuz I've been identifying as a butch lesbian for awhile but have been wondering if I'm actually a bi trans man and have been wanting to explore sexual experiences with queer men to find out if I'd enjoy it but have been really cautious about it and haven't really tried anything yet cuz I'm scared of what it might bring up in me and I'm autistic too so the whole dating and hookup thing is scary to me even without this memory shit and idk if queer men would be interested in me anyway. but yeah I'm gonna explore those resources you shared when I'm ready and I just wanted you to know you're making a difference even through sharing your experiences on your tumblr blog. and also just wanted to confess all this to somebody so thank you for that too

<3 thanks Anon.

Your feelings and traumatized reactions are real, and your vague sense of a memory almost certainly signals that Something was not Right in the dynamic with your father, and you can stand by that and care for yourself as someone whose boundaries have been trammeled upon even if you never get to know the exact facts of what happened. So much of childhood disappears down the memory hole, and there is no easy accounting for it, but as a therapist once wisely said to me, if a person has a fracture that's consistent with a violent attack, you can often see the effects and care for them even if you can't know exactly what happened there.

I'm glad you're feeling open to the idea of exploring your own sexuality and gender identity, too. There are absolutely queer men, both trans and cis, who will be interested in you, and you can move at the pace that works for you. Remember there are no rules to queer sexuality, that's the whole point -- so you never have to try anything you don't want to do. You can have a rich, fulfilling sex life with men that never involves PIV, if you aren't interested in that, or that is completely dependent upon a kink dynamic that isn't directly sexual. or you can just put yourself on the grindr grid and find some guy who wants to give you a massage or eat you out all day. There's so many kinds of very eager people out there, and so you can be as selective and as firm in your boundaries and vetting as you need to be! There's every kind of person out there. I have some guy in my Fetlife DMs right now who only wants to shave my body; another who only wants to jerk off while watching me smell leather. The world is abundant with funny little opportunities.

[vera-king-hrfl]

Soft cock Zevlor... mmmmm give me more!

OK. So. I meant to do this in October for inbox trick-or-treat, but it ended up being a much more busy month than I had expected, so I hope you don’t mind it being a week late!

I went through a few others in the tag wondering hmmmm what hasn't been done yet?? We've had our limp dick lovely in several amazing situations already, but I couldn't find this specific one, so forgive me if someone else has done it already! I've written this kind of scene with him before, though not in this way, and in my HC, he really enjoyed it. I hope you do too!

Tav has a vagina and the addition has a penis, but neither are described and I keep gender identifiers to a minimum. I don't do G/N much and I needed specific genitals for this so I hope I did OK!

NSFT BELOW CUT MINORS PISS OFF

Soft Cock Zevlor 2, the Dickening.

CW: F/M/M(ish), Limp weiner, butt stuff.

"Are you certain you're alright with that, my love? You know you're all I need."

You smile sweetly, snuggling with Zevlor in bed. "Of course, darling. It was my idea. They just want to give you pleasure, same as me."

"They?? I thought this was hypothetical."

You blush. "Well, it started out that way, but I couldn't help noticing someone mooning over you recently. I'm convinced that they would be happy to be with us."

Zevlor frowns and drops his eyes. "I doubt it. You're the only one who knows about... and you deal with it because you love me. I'd only disappoint another person."

You pull him close, wrapping your arms around him and looking deep into his stunning hellfire eyes. "I do love you. More than anything else in the world. And I don't "deal with it"; I adore you and everything you are. You've never disappointed me and I promise they won't be disappointed either. Would you be willing to try?" You bite your lip, hoping you didn’t go too far, but your friend has something you don’t, and from a few drunken confessions, you're almost certain that your beautiful tiefling will enjoy it.

He thinks for a moment, but you can see the excitement building in his expression, the fragile hope. The idea that another person might enjoy him, despite his perceived failings, even without being in love with him is intoxicating. He knows he shouldn't want this, that yours is the only touch that he should crave, but he can’t suppress the desire to experiment. And you seem very keen to try it as well, so after a moment, he smiles gently and nods, kissing you sweetly before answering. "If you want to, dearest. I'm willing to give it a shot."

You, elated that you can bestow one more type of pleasure on your beloved, kiss him back with a grin. "Alright. Don't put any clothes on. I'll be back soon with our new toy."

Said new toy returns with you shortly, looking quite nervous, but excited, as you usher them into the bedroom that you and Zevlor share. The grizzled Hellrider sits up, surprised when he sees who's behind you. The newcomer smiles shyly, but approaches the bed, sitting gingerly next to your man and holding out their hand. "Good evening, Commander." It's one of Zevlor’s former soldiers, someone you've seen Zevlor glance at occasionally as well, sometimes for a little too long. "Tav said you might like to spend the night with both of us."

Zevlor hesitates, but then takes the offered hand, looking baffled. "You? But I never thought... why would you want me?"

"Same reason Tav does, I suppose." They lean forward with a softer smile, not kissing Zevlor, but inviting it while giving the shy man every opportunity to pull away. "You’re beautiful. Strong, amazing, incredible. I've wanted you for years but while you were still my commanding officer, that would have been inappropriate. Would you give it a chance? I'll stop at any time if you're uncomfortable."

Zevlor looks even more flabbergasted, but can't seem to think of an argument, so after a moment leans forward to touch his lips to those of the soldier. They kiss, gently but passionately, and you grin, feeling quite pleased with yourself as you join them on the bed.

Soon you're both on him, touching, kissing, caressing his body, and by his heavy breathing and deep groans you can tell that he really enjoys the sensation of four hands and two mouths exploring his hot red skin. Your friend begins to caress down the ridges of his chest and ribs, fingertips sliding down his rippling abs, moving lower, before Zevlor gasps and catches their hand. "I'm not... I don't know if Tav told you, but I can't..."

They chuckle slightly. "Is that all? No, they didn't tell me, except that you are insecure about something. That's not going to put me off. Trust me, Commander; your cock isn’t all I'm after."

"You... you mean..."

"Mmhm..." You both start kissing him again, groping, squeezing his soft cock, teasing between his thighs, stroking his tail. "Would I miss the chance to have the sweetest ass in Faerun? When have you known me to be a coward?"

Zevlor grunts, already shaking with pleasure and desire, hips shifting under the ministrations of you and the other. His tail comes around and grips his new lover, bringing them back down for another powerful kiss. Then he grabs you and kisses as well, deeply, passionately, before drawing back to meet your eyes. "You never cease to amaze me, my love." He bites his lip, looking from your cheeky smile to the obvious longing in the eyes of your companion. "Never. Neither of you are cowards, and I know you don’t lie, so... yes. If you really want me... I want it too. Fuck me. Both of you."

After another few minutes, the two of you have positioned Zevlor on his knees on the bed, upright so you can sit in front of him while the other is behind, hands roaming Zevlor while a thick cock pushes against him, sliding between his ass cheeks and dripping down into the hot cleft. You hand them a bottle of oil. "Start with fingers, dear. It's been a while since he's done this." Zevlor groans and lifts his tail out of the way, bringing it forward to curl loosely around your body while you lean forward to lavish his hot groin and flaccid member with your lips and tongue. You feel a twitch, hear a gasp as oiled fingers gently probe at his entrance before slowly easing inside. You look up. "Is that alright, darling? Let us know if it's too much."

He shakes his head vigorously, beginning to pant. "No, it's... feels so good." He hisses a little as a second finger enters him and they start to pump slowly in and out. "Their fingers are bigger... rougher than yours... but... yes, yes... I like that."

He's shifting his hips, backing onto the penetrating digits as you begin to service him again, taking his cock into your mouth and kneading his trembling thighs. The one behind Zevlor is panting with desire as well, and runs their tongue up Zevlor’s neck and ear before speaking in a breathy whisper. "Gods on high, Zevlor. You’re so gorgeous... so hot, so tight... need to be inside you... tell me when you're ready... don't wanna hurt you... fuck..."

Zevlor doesn't seem to want to wait any longer either, and whines while arching his back, presenting himself to the hard shaft behind him. "Yes gods yes... I'm ready... fuck me... please yes..." Your friend looks at you over your beloved's shoulder, lifting a brow. You grin around a mouthful of gorgeous hot soft cock and nod, pulling back with a pop. 

"You heard the man, soldier. Fuck him. And make it good; our Commander is tough. He can take it. Can't you, darling?"

"Yes... yes I can take it... do it... do it nowAAAHHH!" He cries out as his tight ass is immediately filled with a thick hard cock. Strong arms wrap around his chest, and his spectacular body is pressed upward as it spears deeper and deeper, not stopping until their hips meet the Hellrider's ass, then holding for a minute, groaning, trying to endure the tightness and heat and amazing feeling of Zevlor, their Commander, finally submitting to their desires after months and years of hopeless longing. They start fucking soon, gently at first, long slow slides into the snug tunnel, flexing, tilting their hips to find that spot that they know will give Zevlor the most pleasure. 

You are thrilled, elated that you are able to do this for him, sucking vigorously on his limp member, swirling your tongue through the tightly stacked ridges there, feeling Zevlor’s body starting to jerk and flex rhythmically as the thrusting speeds up, and soon the tail around you is tightening, the room filled with the sounds of slapping skin and Zevlor’s increasingly desperate moans. The soldier behind him groans, tilting their head to get around Zevlor’s horns and bury their face in the hot red throat, kissing, licking, nipping there. "Zevlor... Zevlor gods... can't... can't believe this is happening... wanted you... so long... might... gods... might not last long gods you feel so good... so fucking tight... can I... come inside you?"

Zevlor grits his teeth, one hand in your hair and the other gripping his new lover’s arm around his chest... "Yes... yes please come inside me... I want it... your cock... so good..." The soldier growls and with a surge of muscles built by years of military service, pushes you both over so that Zevlor is on his hands and knees, on top of you, looking down into your eyes as he gets pounded from behind. You continue the motion, pulling him further down until he's lying completely on you, his entire weight, plus that of the other, pressing you deliciously into the mattress. You part your thighs until his soft cock slips between them, shifting so his ridges are between the folds of your sex, so he can feel how wet this is making you. 

Zevlor moans louder and kisses you, deeply, savagely, cutting your lips with his sharp fangs, plundering your mouth with his long forked tongue. Your friend arranges themself so that they're straddling both of your thighs, the powerful thrusts dragging Zevlor’s cock through your increasingly swollen petals, ribs stuttering against your sensitive bud, and you feel your own climax approaching at the pure lust, beauty and pleasure of the situation. You look up at your companion. Their eyes are closed, their hands roaming adoringly over Zevlor’s back and ass as they take him, teeth gritted, trying to last a little longer for the pleasure of the Commander. But the thrusts are becoming more shaky, less rhythmic, and you know they won't last much longer. 

You shift your hips and flex your thighs along with the increasing rhythm, moaning into Zevlor’s large red ear. "Yes, darling... that's it... come for us... I'm... gonna come too oh gods your dick feels so good... the ridges... oh! Oh gods!" Your body jerks and shakes as your orgasm descends, simultaneously with the hard pumping cock swelling and spurting deep inside him, and the intense pleasure of being filled, coupled with the rush of moisture from between your legs over his cock sends him over the edge too. Zevlor whines, bucks his hips, then his own essence joins yours as he releases with a strangled cry into your neck. He bites, fangs sinking into your flesh, compounding the ecstasy even further as the three of you jerk and shake, riding out the intense climax together until you're all gasping, overstimulated, and slowly run down, panting into each other. Your friend withdraws first, aware of your body beneath the weight of both of them, and flops onto their back, throwing an arm over their eyes and trying to catch their breath. 

Zevlor recovers rather more slowly, breathing hard and trembling, but eventually he pushes himself up with a groan and slides from you, rolling off so his back is to them. A strong arm wraps around the Hellrider and he's tucked against the other person's body, and you turn as well to face him, snuggling and stroking, reaching over Zevlor to caress your new lover as well. They are kissing Zevlor over and over, his neck, ear, shoulder. "Thank you, Commander. Thank you. That... that was amazing. You're so beautiful."

Zevlor nods carefully to avoid skewering them with his horns. "Yes it was... incredible. Thank you both."

You merely caress him, gently, not in the least minding the sting of the bite or the bruises they'd caused by literally fucking on top of your supine body, extremely pleased with the way things had gone. Your goal to show him how wanted and desirable he is, even to unexpected people, has been met marvelously. But it's late, and your beloved tiefling sometimes needs a little nap after sex, so you just kiss, hold and soothe him, and soon he falls into a gentle sleep, a soft smile on his face matching the one you share with your friend as you both usher your beloved into dreams in the warmth of the double embrace. 

[saintsenara]

Hi! My curiosity was v v piqued by your proclamation in a recent ask that Hermione was by far least favourite character in the series-- not because I disagree, but because I agree, see; for me, it was always a kind of knee-jerk reaction to the incessant pedestaling of her in fandom spaces. I'd be very curious to know what it was for you or if the fanon contributed to it in some way (i totally recognise that letting fanon interpretations of a character sour the canon character itself is a wee bit silly).

no, i've been a #hater since day one.

it's nothing to do with fanon!hermione [who i primarily find boring], and nor is it about film!hermione [who is the trigger for fanon!hermione is also therefore boring]. emma watson seems perfectly fine - i can't say she's someone whose life and career i care to follow closely, but that's the case for the rest of the cast of the film series - and so it's nothing to do with projection about her either.

it's for the reason that i find - and have always found - real-life people who are like book!hermione extremely difficult to get along with.

i still think she's a fascinating character and a complex, interesting person. i'm not going to be found bashing her, and i think she's compelling to explore as her canon self - warts and all - without the tiresome flattening she undergoes in order to become flawless in fanon...

but she's not a character i have ever clicked with or related to - and so she's not my priority when it comes to what i get out of fandom either. if she were real, there are no circumstances in which we would ever be anything more than glacially polite acquaintances. there are some people who see her on the page and think "that's me" and go through the books engaging with her character as a friend - and who are then driven to seek out fandom content which focuses on her, whether in a romantic context or not - but i am definitely not one of them.

which was actually a really interesting way to experience the harry potter books as a pop culture phenomenon.

a lot of fandom conversation about the way the books approach gender is now fairly critical - and quite rightly, given the real-world impact jkr's views on gender have. but i do think this criticism sometimes fails to appreciate just how dire the representation of female characters in children's media used to be - especially in children's media which was aimed primarily at boys or equally at boys and girls.

hermione was genuinely groundbreaking as a female main character in a piece of children's literature not exclusively aimed at girls who was allowed to be annoying without being an antagonist, and frightened without being a damsel in distress, and girly without being vacuous, and loyal without being a doormat, and argumentative without being preachy, and clever without needing to be preternaturally brilliant, and respected by harry and ron without it ever really being a big deal. her fingerprints are all over the representation of child and teen girls in contemporary media, no matter how far removed the creators are from jkr in terms of style or opinions, and there is a reason why so many girls identified with her when the books were coming out.

and it was genuinely really fascinating for me growing up to not have been one of them.

[not least because of the negative aspects of her becoming such an important character. above all the idea that - instead of this being a sexist stereotype rooted in ideas of female obedience and inability to be as intellectually limitless as men - intelligent girls would actively want to be seen as diligent, well-behaved, and disinterested in challenging authority...]

[aroaceleovaldez]

i hope this doesn't sound like a silly or weird thing to send you, but i'm autistic and have long thought of nico and a handful of other riordanverse characters as autistic and i love your posts about why nico in particular seems intentionally autistic-coded. but i've been thinking, if rick did intend for any of his characters to be autistic, why wouldn't he say so outside of the text at least? i can't think of a good reason why not, when he goes out of his way to be explicit about so many other characters' various marginalized identities and has confirmed things like reyna being asexual outside of the original text. so it gives me this nagging sort of doubt that maybe rick just made nico come off as so extremely autistic coded by accident, somehow. if it wasn't an accident i do kind of wish he'd say so because there's next to zero explicitly stated autistic representation in, like, any media so it'd be nice to have here even if not strictly necessary. either way though, like i said, i love your posts and i agree with you 100% about autistic nico! some others i like to think are autistic are annabeth and leo.

(Most of this is gonna be kind of a tangential ramble to your point and i apologize in advance just bear with me)

This actually touches upon something I've been meaning to do a write-up on recently, which is: depending on the coding, that is our explicit statement. In most coding, actually, that's kind of the point. (Also something something Death of the Author.)

You may have noticed a recent trend across media of characters saying things directly rather than expressing them in a natural way, and often this includes incredibly stilted dialogue of characters explaining things in very politically correct, wikipedia-esque descriptions and terminology that make absolutely no sense for the characters' personalities or mannerisms. This is born out of the idea that if something is not stated in explicit terms, no amount of evidence below an outright direct exact statement will ever count - if two characters of the same gender have an explicit kiss and wedding on-screen, it doesn't matter because they never said the word "gay," etc etc.

In PJO, prior to more recent books, we get plenty of examples of characters explaining parts of their identities without direct statements. Percy never needs to say in outright terms that he has PTSD from Gabe - and it doesn't make sense that he would! He's 12! He's never been diagnosed for that. He probably doesn't even know what PTSD is really. But we, the audience, know without a doubt he has PTSD, because it is clearly expressed to us. That is coding. Tyson is coded as having down syndrome. Nico is coded as being autistic. It doesn't make sense for Nico to turn to the camera and explain that he's autistic and what that means, because he definitely never got diagnosed for it and probably doesn't know what that means cause the diagnosis literally did not exist when he was growing up - and heck, autism terminology was still kind of getting sorted out back in 2007 when TTC was published, so it's unlikely we could have feasibly gotten any exact terminology wink-wink-nudge-nudges short of something like how Percy outright mentions other students called Tyson the r-slur in Sea of Monsters. And in fact we see that same exact style of coding with Nico later on in the series. Nico never turns to the camera and says word-for-word "I am gay, I am mlm, here's me wearing my exact pride flags" (until TOA/TSATS, which... did the exact thing i mentioned about characters speaking like theyre trying to get a good grade in therapy, or giving a powerpoint presentation). But it is never unclear that HoO is telling us outright that Nico is gay. It's not just hinted at. It's there, in your face. But entirely because no one ever outright says "gay" specifically it's technically still only coding. We know he's gay, we know the characters have trauma/ptsd, etc etc. We don't need it spelled out - that's just kind of condescending. It's like if you said describing a character with "eyes like moss" means they were "green-eye coded."

Nico being autistic-coded isn't hidden. It's not a secret. It's very overt. If you know what autism looks like, well, yeah, there he is. Even if you only know very vague 2007 media presentation of autism, Nico in TTC is easily recognizable enough as autistic because that's the point. Tyson is easily recognizable as being coded as having down syndrome and it's very clearly very intentional! It's just never spoon-fed in exact terms to the reader because it's not necessary! You've already been told the information necessary to tell you what is up with this character, so just plainly going "oh they're [x] in exact terms" is very much telling-not-showing and feels redundant. And while there are places for that kind of thing, most of the time it's very unnecessary. Sometimes coding is subtle, sometimes it's obvious, and yeah there are times where writers code characters unintentionally, but the textual evidence is there, and that's the whole point.

And that's what Death of the Author is about - it doesn't matter what the author intended at the end of the day, because if it's in the text it's in the text. You can look at author intent to try and figure out what that text means, but the text is the text. A Separate Peace is a very classic example - author John Knowles denies there being homosexual subtext, and meanwhile one of the protagonists living in 1942 puts on a pink shirt while saying he doesn't mind of people think of him as gay. What the author says after the fact doesn't matter - if it's there, it's there. So Rick saying anything outside of the books is completely irrelevant. And Rick talks about this a lot - he actively tells people that his statements outside of the books are just his own thoughts, but what's in the books is what's in the books, and if the text supports it then that's all the evidence you need.

Nico specifically is a case where yeah, he's clearly autistic-coded. It's very obvious and very obviously intentional when he's younger, and as the books progress it remains a background trait of his but is still notable (except for when it gets forgotten in TOA/TSATS like everything else, including the adhd/dyslexia, but i digress). It's a clear pattern within the first few books that Rick is intentionally including. It doesn't make sense, especially for the year the book was published, for the reader to be directly told in explicit terminology that Nico is autistic, because the reader is already being told that Nico is autistic.

And yeah, Rick doesn't mention Nico being autistic-coded outside of the text, but he also doesn't mention Tyson being coded as having down syndrome. He also said one time that Percy doesn't have PTSD at all, which is very incorrect starting from book 1. Again, Death of the Author. Whatever Rick says outside of the books does not matter, because he already said it in the books. And there's plenty of other stuff in the books that Rick doesn't touch upon, particularly relating to character identity - did you know Leo is Native? Sammy mentions that the Valdez family is Native in Son of Neptune but we don't get any specifics and then it's like never brought up again anywhere. That happens all the time in the series - and outside of the series - Rick can't possibly address every single point to confirm/deny everything from the books. That's what analysis is for! And that's why my blog exists 👍

[tboyswagging]

Recently I have been making a kind of trans memory box of important things from my transition and as someone who lives in a fairly unsupportive environment I'm finding it really healing in a way. Like even despite it all I'm finding elements of me. I saw someone do this on Instagram a while ago so I definitely stole the idea. I'm just putting it in a random shoebox but I hope I'll look back on it one day when I'm in a better situation and further transitioned and like,, feel emotional about it. But this is what's in my memory box so far:

- my diary from 2016 which is the year I came out to everyone, it starts in May and I came out to my parents in January so I don't have their reaction but from the fact they gave me the notebook and they wrote a dedication to me which says "dear [deadname]" we can infer they are not on board (they still arent). But I've written entries about coming out to other people and talk about my life. Also I was in an abusive relationship later on in 2016 and its interesting to hear abt that bcs a lot of my memory has gone. I was in year 7 and its just crazy to think how my life has changed.

- old binder, not my very first binder bcs idk where that has gone I don't think I still have it but it's the last gc2b binder I had I've been getting spectrum since 2019 and its very stretched out bcs once I wore it for 8 consecutive days and nights (very very unadvisable). But its the longest ago binder I have so it'll have to do

- zine I was in when i was 17 that I hid from my parents bcs its Trans Themed

- my deedpoll

- letters from the GIC clinic from 2019 and 2021 (the second one telling me I have been put on the adult waiting list). I am literally nearly a year and a half on T and I still haven't got a GIC appointment it's a joke. (I started T priv but then transferred over to a nhs dr)

- First ever testosterone bottle packaging that I have stuck both my private prescription label and nhs prescription label to

I think I am gonna print out my gender dysphoria diagnosis if I ever have the opportunity (it is very funny bcs when I got diagnosed w gender dysphoria I was 3 months on T and had been identifying as trans for 7 years so i was like. Yeah no shit) and a photo of me the day I came out but I'm trying to think what other things I can put in it

[msmargaretmurry]

hi i’m sorry super random question — i love your writing, and i was wondering if you had any fav books to recommend? i’m trying to read more lately!! thank you so much!!! 💖

no apologies necessary and thank you so much!! yay for reading more! i have so many books i love and usually i would try to tailor recommendations to someone's interests so i will just try to give a little smorgasbord here.

under the cut please find a very long list of recs; i hope there are a few that sound appealing to you! if there are things you like to have content warnings for and can't tell from the goodreads listing, feel free to message me to ask! 💕

literary/contemporary fiction

beartown by fredrik backman: this is the hockey novel, imo. somehow backman captures everything hockey is — violence, entitlement, racism, privilege, misogyny — while still writing a breathtaking story about people who love the sport and people who unwillingly get caught up in its wake. there are two sequels, which i haven't read yet solely because i'm afraid of how many feelings they'll make me feel.

the secret history by donna tartt: yes, the og dark academia book. moody, atmospheric, and pretentious, i feel like it's a you-love-it-or-hate-it, and i love it. a delicious critique of elitist academia even while filled with morsels for classics-loving nerds. fantastic, deeply fucked-up characters.

station eleven by emily st john mandell: not sure if reading this during a pandemic was the best idea, but it certainly added something to the experience. i love emily st john mandell's prose, and the post-pandemic-apocalypse world she builds feels simultaneously fantastical and painfully real.

evvie drake starts over by linda holmes: this is the perfect example of what i want in a contemporary romance novel. deeply character-driven, sweet, achy, lovely.

historical fiction

in memoriam by alice winn: oh man oh man. we read this one for book club last month and it blew me away. brutal, devastating, romantic.

how much of these hills is gold by c pam zhang: really loved how this book brought a new lens to the American western/frontier story, loved how it blended Chinese mythology into the story, loved how it unflinchingly did race and gender in ways that felt both illuminating and historically true.

the island of sea women by lisa see: i love lisa see's historical fiction because she does a shitload of research and weaves it into her stories in ways that don't feel like infodumping. on top of her being an excellent writer, i always feel like i've learned something.

the book thief by markus zusak: just a masterclass in point of view. made me ugly cry in public.

the nickel boys by colson whitehead: i mean, colson whitehead is just so good. harrowing, atmospheric, and smart, the characters and story feel absolutely real in the best and worst ways.

fantasy/sci-fi

the radiant emperor duology by shelley parker-chan: man, this duology is one of the best fucking things i've read in the past few years. kind of an alternate-history 14th-century china, now with more magic and more gender. brutal and delicious. morally gray everything.

the farseer trilogy and the liveship traders trilogy by robin hobb: these were my favorite books as a teen and i've recently been rereading them (i'm finally on the third book of the second trilogy!) and having such a good time. structurally they're very classic high fantasy but i think hobb is so fucking good at worldbuilding and characters.

the left hand of darkness by ursula k. leguin: look, it's a classic for a reason! i will say if you start it and you feel kind of lost: stick with it, slow down, and be patient. the pov character is a stranger in a strange land and you feel every bit of that. another masterclass in point of view.

tuyo by rachel neumeier: i love reccing this book because it's just a random self-published fantasy novel that one of the gals in my book club found somehow and it wound up being super fun? the worldbuilding is fun, the culture clash is tense (and fun), and i feel like the concept of a "tuyo" could do numbers as a fanfic trope if people got on board!

the thief by megan whalen turner: another great book for pov!!! just a really fun and satisfying read (and pretty short, if you need something short!). the rest of the series is also very good and worth reading but none of it hit quite as hard for me as this first book, possibly because the first book is just so excellent.

young adult/middle grade

on the come up by angie thomas: this is specifically an audiobook rec. i'm sure this book is also good reading with your eyes, but it's about a teen girl who wants to be a rapper, and i think being able to hear the rhythm of the language, esp the rapping itself, makes for a fantastic audiobook experience.

the westing game by ellen raskin: another classic for a reason!! one of the smartest books out there, a joy to read for the first time at any age.

michigan vs the boys by carrie s. allen: the thing is, i usually i find first person present tense so annoying it's nigh unreadable, but i found this book about a teen girl having to play on her high school's boys' hockey team after they cut funding to the girls' program so charming and compulsively readable. bonus points that the author really knows her hockey!

darius the great is not okay by adib khorram: even just thinking about this book puts a lump in my throat lmao. just a beautiful coming of age story that deals with identity and depression and belonging and family and more.

the loneliest girl in the universe by lauren james: pretty sure i tore through this book in one sitting. great sci-fi setting and sense of creeping dread.

a wrinkle in time by madeleine l'engle: another classic for a reason, lol. including it on this list because it is actually my favorite book. l'engle has such a special touch with writing — it's so full of heart. as a kid one of the things i loved about this book was that it didn't dumb any of its sophisticated worldbuilding and characterization down for me, which i think is a great lesson for a writer.

memoir-ish

they can't kill us until they kills us by hanif abdurraqib: hanif is the GOAT and i recommend anything he's written, but this book of essays about music, culture, and hanif's life is easily my favorite of his work.

a ghost in the throat by doireann ní ghríofa: stunningly original mix of personal essay, poetry, history — i'm not even sure how to describe it. but it floored me.

in the dream house by carmen maria machado: speaking of creeping dread!!! many people have said many smart things about how good this book is so i will simply say they are all extremely correct.

sports nonfiction

the boys in the boat by daniel james brown: a gorgeously written love letter to rowing juxtaposed hauntingly against the rise of hitler. i have not seen the movie, but there's no way it could be as good as the book.

bottom of the 33rd by dan barry: possibly this is a baseball book for baseball people, but i loved every meandering moment of this lovingly written microhistory of the longest baseball game ever played.

the last best league by jim collins: another baseball book, sorry, baseball books are so good. this one's about the amateur league on cape cod where the best college players play in the summer. a great august read imo.

impossible owls: essays by brian phillips: a sprawling book of sportswriting from a former grantland writer. i read it five years ago and still think about it sometimes

other nonfiction

forget the alamo by bryan burrough, chris tomlinson, & jason standford: i made myself pick only ONE history nonfiction for this list because otherwise we'd be here all day. but this one is so good, especially if you're interested in the making and unmaking of american mythology.

empire of pain by patrick radden keefe: i do actually recommend anything prk writes, but this book on the sacklers' evil pharmaceutical empire is both timely and exhaustively reported. another audiobook rec as well, because prk reads it himself and you can hear the disdain in his voice.

because internet: understanding the new rules of language by gretchen mcculloch: really fun read about the development of online dialect and language! at five entire years old it's already a smidge out of date, but still so enjoyable.

[witness2caesar]

Introduction Post !

Hello! I already had one of these but some has changed in that little amount of time and I decided to finally get on with it to rewriting it. So here is some stuff about me and my practice.

Before we get into it I would like to say I am so genuinely thankful for having people interact with me on here and be kind to me even when I ask certain questions for help. This especially applies to anyone who saw and comforted me on my very first post going over my anxiety with this and the post where I vented about my depression. I do not reply to comments under posts mainly because I am nervous to but please know that I am forever grateful for all the kindness and support. ❤️

I go by multiple names but as of right now I use "Alyce", "Amleth", "Nakoa", & "Heloise" the most. I have just turned 17 years old about a month ago, I use any pronouns along with Neos such as vamp.(Because gender is fun). I am a Puerto Rican Taíno, with some Dutch thrown in there from my moms side. My experience with my practice hasn't been for long, but my research makes up for it I think. I have been hyper-fixated on Greek Mythology in general since Elementary school but became interested and drawn to the Hellenic practice in middle school. I am not by any means saying my research has been 100% reliable or valid compared to actual first hand experience.

I am a baby witch! I have been interested in the idea of it since around the same time I've been interested in the Hellenic practice, my mom is a very superstitious lady so that still has effect on how I can practice in the house. I am still very new to Tarot, and I have a long way to go with it (Searching up on YouTube for shuffling tutorials)...

About my worship and relationships with Gods, I publicly worship Apollo, Ares, and Hermes. I mostly keep my worship and relationship with Helios, Selene, Nyx, Dionysus, and Aphrodite very private unless to post something silly or progress that I am proud of. This is just a personal choice of mine for now. So you will most likely see more posts of those three than those other five.

I am a writer! The main genre I stick to is around Thriller and Fantasy, and have at least 20+ unfinished book ideas in my docs. I've been feeling much more confident about my writing though and started thinking about doing writing commissions in the future. I do block a lot! So if anyone finds themselves blocked by me its just for personal preference on what I want on my dash, so please don't take it personally :3<

I have an Instagram and TikTok that is also for religious posts but I have just recently made the Instagram and for the TikTok you will have to dm for it because I do not feel comfortable giving it out on a site like this. Thank you:)

[smalltestaccount]

okay i think ive come to the conclusion that i dont really fit in with most other trans women, like personality wise, and thats okay. Like i think recently a lot of trans women, not just on tumblr, have been making me think i have to be kinky and bizarre or something, be blasé about transitioning or gender roles, or even just like be okay with some borderline harassing behavior. Its okay if that is you (except the harassing behavior some of yall need to work on that), but like thats not really me. Acting this way just makes me feel bad. Just ignoring that Im a total straightedge, that im like a 1 on the Kinsey scale now. Ever since i was like 11 my biggest desire is just like being a normal cis girl. I always am happiest embracing basic American femininity, and i only just re-realized this after after it helped me get out of a depressive episode (along with antidepressants and an increased estrogen dose). I don't care if im "enforcing gender roles", because i fucking love female gender roles (in modern American culture) cause they make me feel like not-a-piece-of-shit. Also i don't strictly adhere to many anyways. And i just don't think terfs would have any issues with cis girls who love the color pink, flowers, being boy crazy, and dreaming about being a mother. So like why should I feel like its wrong to like that stuff? I don't think there is anything wrong with it. And you know if you don't have that relationship with gender that is fine, you need to do what makes you happy, that's why feminism exists. I'm just saying I don't want to pretend like my personality is something that really just makes me uncomfortable.

I dont like when people here imply being a trans woman entails being sexual cause like i just want to be normal and that stereotype is harmful, especially to transgender children who are really likley to be targeted for some kind of sexual abuse because theyre trans and being trans is already sexualized more than it needs to be. Adults can navigate that to some extent, but not kids; I couldnt really navigate that when i started transitioning in middle school and im lucky it only stayed online. Trying to even somewhat fit in with tumblrs idea of trans women has made me encounter tranny porn on my dash and whenever i post images of myself I'm followed by gross accounts that just reblog that stuff . A lot of trans women don't hate it, because sex work is very much as part of the trans community. But honestly, seeing trans women be treated in those ways just makes me feel bad for the actresses and sick about myself and very dysphoric.

Im not saying that you cant express kinkiness and hyper-sexuality, because I dont want to dictate how you act any more than i want you to be dictated on how I act. But I also want to encourage thoughfulness in what you say. Saying you, yourself, is kinky and weird, is not that same as saying trans *girls* are kinky and weird. In the same way I'm not going to reblog tradwife content, I don't think its productive to make an "all tgirls be kinky" post. You shouldn't try to paint that image of other trans women.

As its the first day of june I'll just tie it up by saying that not all trans people fit into one personality and if you want to show support its best not to suggest trans women all act a certain way, and please don't think talking about "gock" is a good way to show support. This isn't a "kink at pride" discourse post in the very slightest cause I don't, and never have, given any shits about that, cause I've never been to pride. This is just me talking about how I fit into the trans community.

Im Alexa and I'm going to reblog and post shit i like, not what other people like or expect. That Includes not doing tummy tuesday cause i really only briefly did it out of fomo and peer pressure. And please don't say things about me that you wouldnt say about other women

[anniflamma]

Hi, hello! Just wanted to say, first of all, that I adore your artwork, from your epic works to your biblical ones. I always become so happy when I see them on my recommended, it's really great! I was curious about how you go about designing your characters? Because they seem very cool and are also really recognisable and original imo. (I've been thinking about making my own designs for biblical charcters (it's been my recent fixation lol) and wanted to know how to go about it, if you don't mind me asking. <3)

When it comes to my biblical character designs, I usually start by gather inspiration and researching what is historically accurate and then break from that. Essentially, the reason I gave my design of David red hair isn’t because the Bible states that he was a redhead, but because it describes him as "ruddy." While that typically refers to a reddish skin tone, I used that information as inspiration to give his hair a reddish hue as well.

When I design characters overall, I usually start with a theme or shape and then build up from there. Of course, it varies, sometimes I instantly know what a character should look like, and other times I struggle to get anything down.

I find my biblical designs harder to create than the Greek gods because the former are based to be more grounded and realistic, while with the Greek gods, I can play around a lot more.

But one important thing is the kind of feeling and energy you want your character to emit. My David looks more like a regular guy than a king, and he appears a bit out of place in royal clothing, which is exactly what I intended. For Daniel and Darius, I based their designs on the "Black Cat and Golden Retriever" couple dynamic.

I had some fun ideas with Daniel's design, particularly whether he should have a beard or not. There's this debate about whether Daniel was castrated, and I decided to give him a beard to imply that he wasn't. But I did consider giving Daniel a more gender-ambiguous appearance—no beard, wider hips, and even him having gynecomastia (larger breasts).

[idiotic-b-gilson]

The Prank Theory: Or, Why Toby won't make an explicit announcement that Kris' pronouns are they/them despite that obviously being canon.

Disclaimer: people who use they/them for Kris are NOT the butt of the joke here. Although calling it a prank might be a little misleading to begin with, you'll see why.

I know for a fact, judging from my dashboard, that I am not alone in being mad at people misgendering the humans of Undertale and Deltarune (although, I will admit I used to be part of the problem up until quite recently). And we all wish for Toby to just go out and publicly announce that Kris, Frisk, and Chara use they/them only, that Mad Mew Mew is canonically transfem, etc., just to stop all the misgendering. It would certainly be nice and very helpful for the LGBTQ community. However, after giving it some thought, I've come to the conclusion that it most likely cannot happen, and the reason why is the Prank Theory. Treat it as an explanation, but not an excuse.

I came up with Prank Theory over something that's completely unrelated to the above, funnily enough. You see, I have this headcanon that Asriel Dreemurr is not cisgender. I'm not entirely sure what his gender is, but he's not cis male for sure. And I've seen a variety of different takes on this concept. For example, AUs like (Ask) Fallen Royalty by @starlightshore present Asriel as having transitioned in a more feminine direction ((A)FR specifically describes her gender as feminine nonbinary). Others still write Asriel (chiefly the Deltarune one) as transgender male (I've mostly seen that take in NSFW fanfics on AO3, which is a shame cuz it has great potential beyond that. Please tell me where I can find more). Other others still, like my beloved mutual @sukifoof, have proposed that Asriel might be agender. And, let me be clear about something: those are all great ideas, and I love them. But I started to wonder, which of these ideas is the closest to canon? Like, if we also factor in authorial intent, which of these options would fit under it, and which ones wouldn't? That was when I came up with Prank Theory, as a way to kind of imagine at least one aspect of said authorial intent.

Spoiler alert, according to Prank Theory any kind of transfeminine Asriel is incompatible with canon, but again I want to make it clear that that doesn't mean I think they're "wrong" or "bad" or anything like that, and I want to reiterate my endorsement of writing Asriel this way. Besides, my theory could be completely wrong, so...

So, after all that stuff, what does the Prank Theory actually say? Well, in summary: Undertale and Deltarune are some of the most "woke" video games ever made, but conservatives and reactionaries don't seem to have realized that yet, funnily enough. Now, calling it a prank is a wee bit misleading, since it implies that tricking right-wingers into loving a video game with a very progressive setting and message was at least part of what Toby intended. And I don't believe that's the case. He simply makes video games he wants to make, and they just happen to reflect his views on the world, and these views just happen to fly over the heads of some people.

This in and of itself would probably not make it a huge problem for Toby to put in one of his newsletters, or even in an X (as in, former Twitter) post, a correction regarding the genders of his characters. However it does start to become a problem when you factor in that the UTDR community has hundreds of thousands of people in it (although as of the March 2024 it might be a rather liberal estimate), and many of them would be quite pissed off if the video game they like had "suddenly" "gone woke" (ignorant of the fact that both it, and its main creator have been openly "woke" the whole time). And that is a problem in the current environment, because it means that Toby, as well as other people on the UTDR dev team, would be at a significant risk of hate and harassment, which in the Year of Our Lord 2024 could lead to Angel knows what.

On a more cynical capitalist (and much more speculative) level, attracting political controversy this way could sour Toby's relationship with big video game companies which have (as far as I know) played an important part in why Toby's got basically unlimited resources to work on the game of his fever dreams. They saw the widespread, universal acclaim that UT, DR1 and DR2 received, and drew the conclusion that DR3-4 (and the future chapters) will also get a similar reception, and they will get great returns no matter how much money they pour into it. This belief could be shaken if Toby attracted the ire of his transphobic fans by correcting their misgendering of his characters, and thus limiting the reach Chapters 3 and 4 would otherwise have (but again, this is pure speculation, I'm not an economist, nor do I know how much companies like Nintendo have actually invested in Deltarune. So I could be, like, way off).

And that is, in the end, why I believe Toby Fox will not make a statement regarding the canon gender of any UTDR character, at least not while Deltarune is still in development. After it's finished I think he might feel free enough to take that step. But we'll have to see.

Now, I don't know if I'm right. I feel pretty confident in my own theory, but there's a good chance I missed something. So, if I did, please lemme know. In the meantime, let's hope Toby will disprove my theory soon and set things right. And I'll see you around.